Today seemed important to write about so I will write it now and post it when I get caught up. :)
Olivia had her 2 month check up today and she has been struggling after getting her shots. She cried for an hour straight. I realize that this is common for some babies but my sweet Olivia is just that- very sweet. Crying is rare for her so crying for an hour was very out of character. Not only did she cry for an hour but anytime I would move - even a tiny bit - she would cry - actually not just cry - scream! I cried with her a few times. So what she needed to be happy was for me to sit very still and not do anything. This was a challenge for me. If I couldn't scratch my nose without her screaming how on earth could I play with my phone? So I made a choice...I chose to sit and hold my baby without any distractions (except of course for the distraction of all the other kids). After an hour I realized I had never done that for that long of a period. Don't get me wrong - I hold her. I love holding her it's just usually with a phone in my hand or on my ear; a sandwich in my mouth or a TV on in the background. I could tell right away that this was going to be a challange.
As I sat with my baby girl I couldn't help but have a few profound (Hopefully life changing thoughts). I read things like this on blogs all the time and think "Yep-I need to get rid of my distractions" but that is much easier thought than done. I'm hopeful that having my own thoughts and words to look back on will help me to stay focused on the important things.
Here were my thoughts...
Once upon a time my house was always trashed. Dinner was never made. Dishes were ALWAYS in the sink. We didn't have a vaccuum for 4 years so I didn't even have to worry about that one. And guess what? I was actually sort of happy with things like that. Not full of joy but happy enough. Believe it or not-this story is about me when I only had one kid! Then we moved to my moms when Max turned one. I decided this was a chance for me to change my ways - improve myself. So once we got settled everything had a place and putting things back in their place suddenly became possible. I also had a vacuum now...so a few things changed. I was spending less time watching Gilmore Girls with Max and more time being a homemaker. My mom also introduced me to the FlyLady and after about a month of being a fly baby I decided that I HATED having dishes in the sink and I would do one load of laundry every day of the week for the rest of my life instead of doing it all on one day. A lot had changed.
Then Elese came along and I started to realize how horribly my mom ate. So I put her on diets and I would cook for her. Doing this made me start to care more about the food that I put in my mouth. That's when I started to cook. I mean really cook. Prior to this I had found a few recipes that I liked and when I tasted something I loved I would get the recipe so I could make it for my friends and family and they would all be SO impressed with my cooking skills. This was different. This was breakfast lunch and dinner every day! Max was old enough to need a little more than just a snack for lunch and Steven and I were getting sick of Hamburger Helper every night and we couldn't afford Olive Garden every night for dinner...not that we ever could before but when you move into your moms basement to get out of debt it tends to motivate you to not take your credit card out to dinner and drown your sorrows in alfredo sauce. Now that I was bettering myself I wanted to become a better mother too. That's when I started mediocremom.com. Now I was accountable for spending time with my kids. I HAD to do a blog post every day and in-turn I HAD to do something fun with my kids every day. This was actually really good for me. I loved the time I spent with them and I was still able to improve on my homemaking skills.
While I sat here- holding my sweet Olivia - I could see the shoes-toys-blankets-pillows-mail and books mocking me from the floor. It was as if they were saying "You will never be that laid back girl again...time has taught you that keeping a clean home is your job and your children are the obstacle." I realized that the trash was wrong. Or maybe I was wrong and it just made me realize it. My job-my most important job- is to care for (not deal with) my sweet precious children. I know this but apparently I need to be reminded of it often. This is such an important thing for me to remember that my Patriarchal blessing comes right out and says that the most important thing I will do is be a loving wife and mother. The clutter just laughed at my pain. Somehow it knew that at some point during the day I would cave-I would set down my crying baby and clean it up. Evil junk.
Back to the story...
Then we got our own home. Now my "job" got even bigger! Not only was my space bigger but I decided to start baking my own bread. I decided to start eating organic meat and anything else organic when possible. I decided to start adding more fruit and veggies into our diets. I decided to have another baby...a very stubborn and active - yet SUPER cute - baby!
I started to get a handle on things. I started to get back to baking bread and all my other important homemaking skills. I even bettered myself as a mother despite killing off that mediocre mom idea. I spent 15 minutes a day with each of the kids. We read and did homework together. We still had mommy date nights...sometimes. We even periodically had "Let's chat" parties after school.
Then baby 4. My sweet Olivia. Oh how grateful I am that she is SO sweet. Where would my mind be if she was another stubborn one? Along with that has come health issues for my mom and feeling the responsibility to organize my brothers for us to care for her. I am overwhelmed. I want to give up...maybe run away. That's it...if this baby will let me set her down I'll finish my grocery list and run away to Costco for an hour. Oh and my mom. The doctors office just called me back. She's been throwing up nearly every day for 2 weeks. She can't go to the doctor by herself-she can't call him. She'll forget. Her car broke down...even if I thought she could do it she couldn't physically go to the doctor.
Once again my thoughts were interrupted. Elese "needed" me. did she really? I enable her. She needs to be more self sufficient. Would she be if I gave her more possitive attention. Probably. Hey Sam-you want to drink some of mommy's water? OK..man I've only had 32 oz today I need to drink more. Oh and I haven't tracked my Weight Watchers points yet today. When's the last time I worked out?..oh man- it stinks in here. I should get out the diffuser...my house if full of stinkey boys. No! No diffuser. Stay put. Hold my prescious gift from God. She is not just here to be tested. She is hear to make an impact..maybe on the world or maybe on one lone person. Regardless she is here for a reason and she needs to be my #1 focus.
This was my last and final thought before I had to try to set her down so I could start dinner so Max could go to Karate. Oh Max. I love him and his details. He's talking to me right now. Going on and on about Zombie Chasers and Minecraft. Isn't it past his bed time? Please go to bed so I can think clearly for a minute. THEY need to be my number one focus. Steven came home to a trashed house and you know what? He didn't even care. He loves me that much. It's almost 9:30 and he's keeping a cranky baby happy so I can write down my thoughts. My thoughts that I will read whenever I forget that it is my job to CARE for my husband and children and to DEAL with the rest. Not the other way around.
So this is my blog post that maybe some other mom will stumble upon and feel inspired by; but most of all this is my blog post that I WILL read whenever I forget where my focus should be. The dishwasher is clean and full and the sink has dishes in it but I will survive...maybe some ants and mice will too. I'm going to put away the computer-nurse my baby and eat some Hagen Daz with my husband and the dishes will be there for me in the morning...
...guess what? They weren't there for me. My loving husband did them. Isn't he awesome?
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